An Orange Cat Oracle of Absurdity Story
The Oracle was stretched comfortably across a sun-warmed driftwood log when a visitor stopped to watch him.
The beach was unusually peaceful.
The sea was rolling ashore in neat rows. A few gulls were conducting sandwich inspections. The breeze was busy rearranging footprints for artistic reasons.
Not far away, five beach orange cats were scattered across the sand.
One was asleep beside an old fishing boat.
One was asleep beneath a bench.
One was asleep on top of a pile of nets.
One appeared to be asleep while sitting upright.
The fifth was awake, but only just.
The visitor pointed at them.
“Oracle, why are those cats so lazy?”
The Oracle opened one eye.
“Lazy?”
“Yes.”
The visitor pointed again.
“They aren’t doing anything.”
The Oracle sat up immediately.
“Not doing anything?”
His towel-cloak fluttered dramatically.
“My dear human, those cats are extremely busy.”
The visitor looked at the sleeping cats.
One of them had begun snoring.
“They don’t look busy.”
The Oracle shook his head sadly.
“That is because humans often mistake stillness for inactivity.”
The visitor glanced at the cats again.
One rolled over.
Another twitched an ear.
A third yawned.
“They seem inactive.”
The Oracle hopped down from the driftwood log.
“Come.”
He began walking along the shoreline.
The visitor followed.
The Oracle stopped beside the cat sleeping beneath the bench.
“This,” he said, “is Marmalade.”
Marmalade did not respond.
The Oracle lowered his voice respectfully.
“He is conducting a long-term sunlight study.”
The visitor looked confused.
“How long-term?”
The Oracle considered the question.
“He began three years ago.”
Marmalade snored softly.
The visitor frowned.
“What exactly has he discovered?”
The Oracle nodded thoughtfully.
“That sunlight is warm.”
There was a brief silence.
“And that’s it?”
“So far.”
The Oracle looked impressed.
“Research takes time.”
They continued walking.
Near an old fishing boat lay Rusty.
Rusty was asleep on his back with all four paws pointing in different directions.
The visitor pointed.
“What’s he researching?”
“Fish.”
“By sleeping?”
The Oracle looked surprised.
“How else would you research fish?”
The visitor opened her mouth.
Then closed it again.
The Oracle continued.
“Rusty spends hours every day thinking about fish.”
Rusty suddenly woke up.
He looked around hopefully.
Then he realized there were no fish nearby.
He immediately went back to sleep.
“You see?” said the Oracle.
“See what?”
“Dedication.”
The visitor was beginning to suspect that the Oracle and the rest of reality were operating under different definitions of several important words.
Farther along the beach they found Pumpkin.
Pumpkin was sitting beside an abandoned cooler box.
He appeared to be guarding it.
The visitor smiled.
“At least that cat is doing something.”
The Oracle nodded.
“Of course.”
“What is he doing?”
“He is protecting his property.”
The visitor looked around.
“The cooler box belongs to somebody else.”
Pumpkin looked offended.
The Oracle sighed.
“According to Pumpkin, everything on this beach belongs to Pumpkin.”
The visitor laughed.
“Everything?”
“Everything.”
The Oracle pointed toward the sea.
“He once attempted to claim ownership of the tide.”
Pumpkin stared proudly at the horizon.
The horizon ignored him.
The ownership dispute remained unresolved.
The Oracle and the visitor continued walking.
Near a cluster of rocks sat Mango.
Unlike the others, Mango was awake.
At least physically.
Mentally he appeared to be somewhere else entirely.
He was staring at a shell.
The shell was not doing anything particularly interesting.
Nevertheless, Mango seemed fascinated.
“What is he doing?” asked the visitor.
The Oracle lowered his voice.
“Mango is one of our leading researchers.”
“Really?”
“Oh yes.”
The visitor looked impressed.
“What does he study?”
The Oracle examined the shell.
“We’re not entirely sure.”
Mango continued staring.
A minute passed.
Then another.
Finally he became distracted by a feather and wandered away.
The shell remained where it was.
The Oracle nodded.
“Excellent work.”
The visitor stared.
“How was that excellent work?”
“The feather may have been involved.”
The visitor decided not to ask.
Some questions only produced additional questions.
At the far end of the beach sat Copper.
Copper was gazing thoughtfully at an old bucket.
The bucket gazed back.
Neither seemed willing to make the first move.
The Oracle smiled.
“Ah. Copper.”
“What’s his job?”
The Oracle lowered his voice.
“Many believe Copper is the wisest beach orange cat.”
The visitor studied him carefully.
Copper blinked at the bucket.
The bucket remained silent.
“What is he thinking about?”
The Oracle watched for a moment.
“I believe he is wondering whether there might be fish inside.”
Copper walked over.
Looked into the bucket.
Found no fish.
And walked away.
The visitor laughed.
“That’s wisdom?”
“No,” said the Oracle. “That was disappointment.”
They sat down on a dune overlooking the beach.
Below them, the five orange cats had spread themselves across the sand like pieces of dropped marmalade.
The visitor watched them for several minutes.
Nobody seemed to be in a hurry.
Nobody seemed stressed.
Nobody appeared concerned about schedules.
Nobody appeared worried about emails.
Nobody appeared worried about meetings.
In fact, nobody appeared worried about anything.
The visitor frowned.
“Oracle, why don’t beach orange cats ever hurry?”
The Oracle smiled.
“Because they understand something humans forget.”
The sea rolled quietly onto the shore.
Even the waves seemed interested.
The Oracle continued.
“Hurrying only makes sense if the destination is more important than where you are.”
The visitor considered this.
The Oracle pointed toward Marmalade.
“He enjoys the sunshine.”
Then toward Rusty.
“He enjoys thinking about fish.”
Then Pumpkin.
“He enjoys owning things that don’t belong to him.”
The visitor laughed.
The Oracle pointed toward Mango.
“He enjoys being distracted.”
Then Copper.
“He enjoys wondering whether objects contain fish.”
The Oracle nodded.
“They are exactly where they want to be.”
The breeze drifted through the dunes carrying the scent of salt and seaweed.
Below them, Mango became distracted by a stick.
Pumpkin attempted to supervise a passing crab.
Rusty woke up briefly and looked for lunch.
Marmalade continued his important sunlight research.
Copper had discovered another bucket.
The visitor smiled.
“They seem happy.”
The Oracle nodded.
“Most beach orange cats are.”
“Because they never hurry?”
“Because they rarely spend time wishing they were somewhere else.”
The visitor sat quietly.
The waves rolled in.
The gulls argued.
The clouds drifted lazily overhead.
For a few minutes the entire beach seemed content to move at its own pace.
Then a gull stole half a sandwich.
Immediately every orange cat on the beach sprang into action.
Marmalade ran.
Rusty ran.
Pumpkin ran.
Mango ran.
Even Copper abandoned his bucket investigation.
The visitor watched in amazement.
“They can move quickly!”
The Oracle nodded.
“Certainly.”
“Then why don’t they?”
The Oracle watched the five orange cats disappear in pursuit of the sandwich.
“Because,” he said, “they save their hurry for important occasions.”
The visitor smiled.
“Such as?”
The Oracle pointed toward the fleeing gull.
The gull looked worried.
“Sandwiches,” said the Oracle.
And everyone agreed that this was an entirely reasonable policy.
The End