An Orange Cat Oracle of Absurdity Story
The Oracle was enjoying a perfectly respectable morning beside the dunes when he noticed something unusual.
Five beach orange cats were gathering near an old fishing boat.
This immediately caught his attention.
Not because the cats were unusual.
Beach orange cats were everywhere.
But because they were arriving from five different directions at approximately the same time.
The Oracle narrowed his eyes.
“A meeting,” he said.
A visitor sitting nearby looked up from her book.
“A what?”
“A meeting.”
The Oracle pointed dramatically.
The visitor followed his gaze.
Marmalade was approaching from the western dunes.
Rusty was arriving from the harbour side of the beach.
Pumpkin was marching importantly across the sand.
Mango appeared to have arrived by accident.
And Copper was walking slowly toward the group with an expression that suggested he had no idea why he was there.
The visitor laughed.
“Those cats aren’t having a meeting.”
The Oracle looked shocked.
“My dear human, they are absolutely having a meeting.”
The visitor watched as the cats sat down in a rough circle.
Nobody spoke.
Nobody appeared to be doing anything.
One of them yawned.
“That doesn’t look like a meeting.”
The Oracle adjusted his towel-cloak.
“That is because you are unfamiliar with the procedures.”
The sea rolled quietly onto the shore.
A gull landed nearby.
Even the gull seemed curious.
The Oracle stood.
“Come.”
The visitor followed him to a dune overlooking the gathering.
From there they could see the entire meeting.
The cats sat in silence.
Several minutes passed.
Nothing happened.
The visitor folded her arms.
“They aren’t even talking.”
The Oracle nodded.
“Ah. The opening silence.”
“The opening silence?”
“An important tradition.”
The visitor waited.
The Oracle lowered his voice.
“Nobody knows why it exists.”
The visitor laughed.
“Then why do they do it?”
The Oracle shrugged.
“Tradition.”
This seemed to explain an alarming number of things in the world.
Below them, Rusty suddenly stood up.
He walked a few metres away.
Looked into a bucket.
Found no fish.
Then returned to the circle.
The Oracle nodded approvingly.
“Fish report.”
“What?”
“Fish report.”
The visitor blinked.
“He looked in a bucket.”
“Exactly.”
“What was the report?”
The Oracle considered.
“There are currently no fish in that bucket.”
The visitor had to admit that this appeared accurate.
The meeting continued.
Pumpkin now stood.
He walked over to a piece of driftwood.
Placed a paw on it.
Then returned to his position.
“What was that?” asked the visitor.
“Property update.”
“Property update?”
“Pumpkin has successfully claimed ownership of the driftwood.”
The visitor laughed.
“Does the driftwood know that?”
The driftwood happened to be listening.
“No,” it said.
The driftwood sounded mildly annoyed.
The Oracle nodded.
“Ownership disputes are common.”
The visitor was no longer surprised that driftwood could talk.
After a while, Mango became distracted by a feather.
He followed it across the sand.
The feather blew away.
Mango chased it.
Then he noticed a shell.
Then a cloud.
Then something else.
Eventually he wandered back to the meeting.
The Oracle smiled.
“Excellent.”
“What was excellent?”
“Research and Development.”
The visitor stared.
“He got distracted.”
The Oracle looked puzzled.
“That is how Mango conducts research.”
Below them, Copper remained completely still.
He sat quietly in the circle.
Occasionally he blinked.
That was all.
The visitor pointed.
“What’s Copper doing?”
The Oracle lowered his voice.
“Thinking.”
“About what?”
“No one knows.”
“Not even Copper?”
“Especially not Copper.”
The visitor laughed.
Meanwhile Marmalade had fallen asleep.
The meeting carried on around him.
Nobody seemed concerned.
The Oracle nodded.
“Minutes.”
The visitor frowned.
“Minutes?”
“Marmalade records the minutes.”
The visitor looked at the sleeping cat.
“How?”
The Oracle smiled.
“Very efficiently.”
The meeting had now been running for nearly twenty minutes.
The visitor observed carefully.
No decisions had been made.
No plans had been discussed.
No votes had occurred.
No fish had appeared.
No driftwood had changed ownership.
At least not officially.
“Oracle,” she said, “are you sure they’re accomplishing anything?”
The Oracle looked shocked.
“Of course.”
“What?”
“The meeting.”
The visitor pointed.
“They’ve done nothing.”
The Oracle looked down at the cats.
Then he pointed.
“Look closely.”
The visitor did.
Rusty was there.
Pumpkin was there.
Mango had returned.
Copper was still thinking.
Marmalade was still sleeping.
The Oracle nodded.
“They have successfully assembled.”
The visitor stared.
“That’s the achievement?”
“Assembly is the first objective of every meeting.”
The visitor opened her mouth.
Then closed it.
It was difficult to argue with that logic.
The sea made a thoughtful swishing sound.
The Oracle continued.
“Humans often believe meetings exist to solve problems.”
“They do.”
“Sometimes.”
The Oracle nodded toward the cats.
“But some meetings exist so everyone knows everyone else still exists.”
The visitor considered this.
The Oracle pointed again.
“Rusty knows Pumpkin is still here.”
“Yes.”
“Pumpkin knows Copper is still here.”
“Yes.”
“Copper knows Mango is still here.”
“Probably.”
“Mango may or may not know anybody is here.”
“Fair point.”
The Oracle looked pleased.
The visitor sat quietly.
The more she watched, the less ridiculous it seemed.
The cats weren’t accomplishing very much.
But they did seem content.
The sea rolled in.
The breeze drifted through the dunes.
The gulls argued over something administrative.
And the five orange cats remained together beneath the morning sun.
After a while Rusty wandered off.
A few minutes later Pumpkin left.
Mango became distracted by a crab.
Copper stood and stretched.
Marmalade woke up and looked confused.
Within moments the meeting had dissolved completely.
The visitor blinked.
“Is it over?”
The Oracle nodded.
“Successful conclusion.”
“What was decided?”
The Oracle thought for a moment.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Nothing at all.”
The visitor laughed.
“Then what was the point?”
The Oracle watched the cats spreading back across the beach.
Rusty headed toward the fishing boats.
Pumpkin resumed managing property that wasn’t his.
Mango was investigating seaweed.
Copper had discovered another bucket.
Marmalade was already looking for a place to nap.
The Oracle smiled.
“The point was never to decide anything.”
The visitor frowned.
“What was the point then?”
The Oracle looked out at the sparkling sea.
“To spend a little time together.”
The visitor was quiet.
That sounded unexpectedly sensible.
The Oracle continued.
“Beach orange cats understand something humans often forget.”
“What’s that?”
“Not every gathering needs a purpose.”
The visitor looked toward the departing cats.
For a group that had accomplished almost nothing, they all seemed remarkably satisfied.
The Oracle nodded.
“Besides.”
“What?”
The visitor noticed a gull flying away with half a sandwich.
Immediately all five beach orange cats charged after it.
The sand exploded beneath their paws.
The gull looked alarmed.
The Oracle smiled.
“They’ve just scheduled the afternoon emergency meeting.”
And with that, he settled back onto his driftwood log while five orange cats and one very worried seagull disappeared down the beach.
The End